I'd love to see that Societe Generale end-of-year review: "Sorta maybe kinda lost 7 billion dollars. But is *totally* gonna make up for it next year. Totally promises to work weekends and stuff."
It'd be funny if there was something minor on the review, besides the loss of 7 billion dollars.
"Also... we got a couple complaints that your ties a little too loud."
"Lost 7 billion dollars. Also, does not make fresh pot of coffee when he finishes one in the employee lounge."
"He has not yet received his bonus for 2007, but I don't think he will claim it." - SocGen chief Daniel Bouton on the rogue trader Jerome Kerviel
Nope. Nope, I don't think so either.
If so, I must never take a job in this place you call "France."
If I don't work at least 40 hours a week I get really antsy and freak out. I mean, I'd probably adjust. But I'm a complete workaholic American, and my job is ridiculously dumb and easy.
Maybe it is just the 12 hours I have spent in various American airports today, but I can't help but feel a little nauseated about the whole 'little thing' added to the review for le biggeste losere. It's probably the cumulative effect of having worked for employers who universally add one negative to CYA in case I went psycho. "See, I knew he was going to start eating paper clips in the break room--I dinged him for not turning his TPS reports with a staple consistently 1 inch from the margin."
(this comes full circle, just wait)
I think that employers learn this smarmy b.s. in boss school. Even after I had a phenomenal year or great quarter or whatever, I would always get a minor ding at the review, just so that employer could make sure if I suddenly began playing the tuba at during office hours, he was already at the first step towards firing me, having dinged me once. One employer, probably my coolest former boss, out-and-out told me, "You know I have to do this stupid negative because if I don't, it gives them something else to ding ME on. $$#@!$#@ bureaucracy..."
When your employees know their bosses are always ready to pull that trigger, just one step away, boy, does that engender institutional/company loyalty and enthusiasm!
On the other hand, who are among the MOST satisfied employees in the business world? Airline gate agents. I'm dead serious. You could look it up (read here http://www.dreammanifesto.com/happiness-satisfacti on-highest-in-jobs-helping-others.html). They can dish out all the crap in the world to customers and know that the customers will end up eating poop on rye, no matter how noisy and righteous the complaint, because the airlines ALL SUCK and ALL back up their SUCKY employees doing SUCKY things to people. "Oh, you don't like waiting two hours only to discover ten minutes before 'boarding' your plane can't fly because we neglected to hire pilots? Guess you're going to have to sleep on the airport floor, and good luck with that flight to Boise, pal."
Ever heard about a passenger complaint that resulted in an airline employee being terminated? Even disciplined? I don't think so. I bet they NEVER get dinged. In fact, I bet their year-end reviews read something like, "Ursula told customer that if he didn't like sitting between a crying set of twins and a sumo wrestler, and was unhappy about connecting through Bangor, ME, on his San Diego to LA flight, customer could take the baggage carousel home, because a snowflake in Chicago was utterly unexpected in winter and had ruined the world's air traffic plans. Give this gal a raise!"
Hmmm...no, I take it back, can't imagine they don't put a ding in there. "NOTE: Needs improvement--Ursula does occasionally let customers get home a little too efficiently when she's had a few too many from the complimentary employee lounge margarita dispenser. She must learn to more effectively manage routes so that any passengers bumped from our overbooked flights are immediately connected to cities without hotel space."
But I'm not bitter.
/tirade.
RE: the note about the coolest former boss, one of mine told me that as well. She always marked one thing as "needs improvement" so that her boss didn't yell at her for raving about her employees.
I'm sure if I'd told her I wanted to stay with the company rather than leave ASAP she would have marked it as okay and suggested me for a promotion (it was a grocery store... things work like that), but as it was she had to either say I needed to work on something or get bitched out by her boss.
I recall one of my colleagues back in service days who completed a glowing S264C report on one of his sailors who throughly deserved it. When the First Lt suggested that there ought to be at least one thing non-positive, he obligingly added something in pencil along the lines of "when in plain clothes sometimes fails to adjust his cufflink motifs to point properly fore and aft". Luckily 1st Lt recognised the silliness and withdrew the request!
