"I was told we needed to hire more minorities!" possibly add:(He's not just a minority, he's ENDANGERED!)

"He’s temping until the next Narnia movie starts filming"

"I told you that there were pros and cons to Affirmative Action!"

#2:

This is Gary, our new consultant, I wasn't going to hire him, but he makes some very good points.

#1 You know the monkeys and Shakespeare? Boy here puts out Stephen King, by himself.
Booyah.

#2 Dude, you gotta stop hiring ex Google employees.

here goes:

1. The Economic crisis hit the Zoo pretty hard, so they are doing temp work now.

2. C'mon... you remember Bob, you went to his wedding.

3. We've seen a 95% decrease in complaints since Bob started.

Yes he looks like a Bob to me. :D

"You kept the receipt, right?"

"...You try telling him no..."

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

well his eyesight is poor, but he has a highly developed sense of smell...

"Maybe you should think about coming in to the office every once in a while, eh champ?"

I sure hope no one's submitted this yet!

I bring in a slip 'n' slide ONE TIME, and you replace me with a Rhino?

Attempt 1:

"So I take it you have noticed the elevator problem..."

Attempt 2:

"What? The Make-A-Wish Foundation thought it was a great idea."

Attempt 3:

"So are you seeing what I'm seeing?

2) "'A rhino for a secretary is NOT normal' complains the billionaire boy genius to his dashingly handsome talking duck."

3) "And you thought today was going to be boring."

I know it's me sayin' it, but the new hiring quotas are gettin' out of hand.

Well this is it. We've finally made the New Yorker.

My #2:
"Ok, so if a bunch of monkeys could potentially produce Shakespeare, just imagine the masterpieces just one Rhinoceros would come up with."

and #3:
"Aw, why'd you have to say that? Now she'll waste days here just browsing the yellow pages for plastic surgeons."

These suggestions are with sincere apologies to O'Reilly Books:

1: "According to human resources he's a javascript wiz."

2: "Meet Reilly, our new javascript expert."

I will reserve my last try for later. ;-)

1. "I say it's OSHA's problem."
2. "He handles solicitors and congressmen."

"INSOURCING FROM AFRICA IS GOING TO BE BIG!"

Look, complain all you want, but the fact is... DUDE. KNOWS. PHOTOSHOP.

"Rhinos drink coffee?"

Shh. He is getting ready for Naplwrimo [sheldoncomics.com]...

well, they did mention there may be a small charge...