Wow there are some hilarious replies so far. I haven't had time to read them all so please forgive me if someone has already used this. My third attempt:
3) Arthur: "Well in the end it came down to hiring Jack Thompson or ol' Bob here and well..."

"You know, this outsourcing thing is really getting out of hand."

"Just don't give him a company charge card."

1) No, it's rabbits that are good at multiplying. Rhinos need excel.

2) Riddle me this batman...what has horns, can type 90 words a minute and DOESN'T work for the IRS?

3) We had to give the bird that was on his back a job in IT. Stupid unions.

"...so I thought: huge crisis, huge accountant, right?"

"Dude... You're missing the whole point of having a secretary"

"Don't worry, he's a Republican in Name Only"

Haven't read through this whole thread, forgive me if this one has been posted.

(#2 attempt)

She says she can get past any firewall. Personally, I believe her...

(#3 attempt)

Worst case of PMS. EVER. [as an aside in little text] But don't tell her I said that...

Third times a charm!

3). "When you said you saw a rhino on your computer, this was frankly the furthest thing from my mind..."

Ok here's my second line but really my first thought, just couldn't word it right.

She used to work for Disney as a ballerina,but... due to cutbacks at Sheldonsoft she’s are new IT tech.

"Sure, it looks impressive, but what DOES rhino?"

He charged less than the other lawyers.

Looks like you've been paired with Sheila for the intra-office dance competition. You get to do the tango . . . good luck!

"The only budget I had left was in personnel, so..."

"I thought you said PUGS were the weirdest animals."

I know, I know... but his references were impeccable.

Nope, he can't read, write, or speak, and I put the pencil behind his ear for giggles, but I promised myself I'd hire the first Rhino to apply.

Ralph here says sensitivity training's for squares. YOU wanna tell him why that's wrong?

Except for the goring, things are working out pretty good.

Why?

He wants to know if our benefits package includes dental.

Like the economy can get any worse...

...what rhino?

"Don't tell me you didn't see this coming."

"He says he's working on a screenplay, but mostly he just reads webcomics and posts to video game forums."

"Apparently he's Hayden Panettiere's Internet boyfriend."