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Flying on American Airlines

My wife and I flew out to New York on American Airlines…which was the first time in about five years I’ve flown with them.

For those that fly with AA often, you’ll probably know this AA pre-flight routine far better than I…but forgive me if I share it.

The average pre-flight announcements on the average carrier go something like this:
1.) “We’re now ready to start boarding. Passengers with disabilities or small children can start boarding….”
2.) “We’re now ready to start boarding our first-class passengers…”
3.) “We’re now ready to take all the other cattle…”

But American Airlines had this weird litany of classes, ranks, affilitions and sub-affiliations that they used when announcing who could board. And they all seemed to revolve around colors.

“OK, hi, welcome to flight 249 to JFK Airport. We’re now boarding our OneWorld passengers, as well as our First Class, Premium, Silver, Platinum, Sapphire, Ruby, Titanium, Blue Steel and Diamonique members first…”

And on and on these lists of colors and classes went, lasting for a good (I kid you not) 30 seconds. To the point where my wife and I started making up additional classes they should use:

“At this time we’re boarding our Sapphire and Ruby members, as well as anyone chewing Watermelon Hubba Bubba, anyone who’s beaten Pokemon Gold or Silver, 45-year old pear-shaped women wearing yellow sweaters, tan men named “Tony”, and anyone of Scottish descent whose clan can lay claim to one of the following tartans (…at which point the stewardess would hold up various swatches of Scottish plaid).”

American Airlines: Boarding passengers by weird, seemingly random color schemes since 1998.