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How Can We Sexy Up Uncle Ben’s Rice?

I love it when people crack open their laptops on a flight in order to tinker with the Powerpoint presentation they’re giving the next day.

The guy next to me, on my flight back from Seattle, clearly worked in the marketing department for Uncle Ben’s Rice. And he had, I kid you not, a Powerpoint slide with the headline: “Adding Sexiness to Uncle Ben’s”.

Clearly, I need to fly more. I would be a much funnier cartoonist if I got to read more marketing presentations like that. And if you’ve ever worked in corporate America, you know exactly what marketing presentations I’m talking about:

— “Tidy Bowl Toilet Cleaner: Hidden Youth-Oriented Trend Opportunities?”

— “Increase John Deere’s Q3 Tractor Earnings by Synergizing Corporate Myspace Page?”

— “Mrs. Paul’s Fish Sticks: 2009 Strategy to ‘Own’ the Phrase ‘They’re The Fish Stickiest!'”

(Related sidenote: How *do* you add sexiness to Uncle Ben’s? That poor marketing team is fighting a pretty uphill battle.)