While I was in England, I got the chance to take an audio tour of the Roman ruins in Bath. It was a great tour, and it got me thinking about how handy an audio tour would be for new readers of Sheldon…a sort of quick walk-through of the site and what’s on offer.

So, as an experiment, I put together something along those lines. Check it out, and tell me what you think. If it looks like it works, I’ll add it to the “New Here?” section of the site.

A company that frequently orders Sheldon books always places their order by fax machine.

For you youngins out there, that’s a “fascimilie” machine. It’s a telephone-based reproduction system that was invented in, oh, 1924, and really picked up in popularity in, oh, I don’t know, THE 198O’S.

Anyway, I thought I’d share this phone conversation I had with their ordering department, regarding their use of the fax:

ME: Hi. I currently get your book orders by fax, and was wondering if there was any way to migrate that process to e-mail?

THE COMPANY: Ooo…I’m sorry, sir. We can only do it by fax.

ME: You don’t have e-mail?

THE COMPANY: No, no…I do. We all do. But we can’t physically send out this document by e-mail.

ME: Why? Are the documents produced on a typewriter?

THE COMPANY: I don’t follow.

ME: Well, the document is produced on a computer, yes?

THE COMPANY: Yes.

ME: Well, e-mail is also handled by a computer. You can just attach the document. Most e-mail systems from the last decade or two can do it.

THE COMPANY: Ooo…I really wish we could, but…um…you know…

ME: What?

THE COMPANY: We’re stuck in 1985, and don’t really like to do business in your magical future-world of electronic wizard powers.

OK, that last line didn’t happen, but, c’mon, really? A fax machine? That’s the best we can do? Are we doing business in Uzbekistan?

Let me be honest here: I eat a lot of chocolate. More than I should, no doubt. But I love the stuff, and I’m not the only one. As umpteen-thousand brain studies have shown, real chocolate causes a wonderful cascading effect in the human brain…of joy and warmth and well-being and awesomeness.

If you agree on that point — the essential awesomeness of chocolate — I’d ask that you lend a hand. Take a second out of your day to tell the FDA not to water down the legal definition of “chocolate”. As Cybele May writes in today’s LA Times and in her Candy Blog, a consortium of food industry groups is looking to widen the definition of chocolate to include products made from vegetable fats and oils…not just real cocoa butter.

You know what kind of “chocolate” that is. You’ve bitten into it and known immediately. It’s that fake, waxy, powdery “chocolate-flavored” stuff that sits there for weeks after the first bite…because it tastes like foot powder. It’s the weird-brand Easter bunny that no one wants. It’s the fake M&Ms that taste like pebbles. It’s the chocolate chip that tastes like a tooth filling gone wrong.

Giving food manufacturers the ability to label products under this expanded “chocolate” label doesn’t mean Nestle and Hershey and Cadbury will suddenly change their core recipes — they’d be fools to do it, in the worst tradition of Coke II. But it makes you wonder what future “chocolate” products will be coming down the line? Should we have to guess whether or not those products are actually chocolate? Of course not. So take a second, GO HERE and let the FDA know.

(Note: This being a bureaucratic process, the comment system is a bit impenetrable. So here’s a helpful guide to giving the FDA your comments.)

Two new dates have been added to the “Appearances” notepad on the left: Dallas’ “CAPE” show and Bethesda’s “SPX” convention. I’m excited for these shows, as I’ve heard nothing but praise for both.

Avast! Here there be links, matey:

CAPE, Dallas, Texas, May 5

SPX, Bethesda, Maryland, Oct. 12-13.

Also! A few hundred new Sheldon-by-Email readers signed up yesterday, so allow me to direct you to our helpful strip intro, and a recent guide to the site’s features. Welcome!

[UPDATED]

Londoners!

This Friday, April 13th, we’re having a planned Sheldon meet ‘n greet in London, England. I’ll be working on two original Sheldon strips, signing books for folks, and giving out free sketches, from 12-3 PM:

The Green Man & French Horn

54 St. Martin’s Lane , WC2

(across the street from the “Avenue Q” theatre)

My buddy Katherine and I, in preparation for the next Sheldon book cover, have been poking around 1950’s advertising, looking for inspiration. And today, I’m quite sure that Katherine has uncovered the most disturbing advertisement that the 1950’s ever produced.

Without further ado, I present to you THE WEIRDEST 7-UP AD EVER:

Items of interest:

– That baby is not only drinking 7-Up, he is chugging that bottle whole hog.

– Closer examination of the 7-Up bottle in the foreground reveals a coagulated mass of green ooze floating in the center. (Original formula, perhaps?)

– There is, for reasons unknown, a tiny little lamb in the ad. Perhaps to underscore that down-home, lamb-shank flavor in every delicious bottle of 7-Up.

– Apparently, at one point, the tagline “Nothing does it like Seven-Up!” was considered fantastically persuasive.

– And finally — and most importantly — there can no longer be any doubt as to why we Americans are fat. OUR PARENTS WERE FEEDING US 7-UP AT TWELVE MONTHS, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!

(If you’re interested in seeing more like this, head over to adclassix.com — they’ve got some great stuff.)

The Coffee Cup Challenge got in the way before I could finish off the Star Wars storyline. And so, strange though it may be to head back to that storyline on Easter, back we go!

(By the way, George Lucas was incredibly fun to draw.)

Take a moment in the Sheldon archives, won’t you, and vote for your favorite Easter moment. My vote is for #1. I love seeing 6’3″ dudes on Easter Sunday in powder blue suits with pink ties.

When two comic strips compete to see who can get the most humor out of coffee cup lids, doesn’t everyone win?

A hearty handshake to the lads at Unshelved for the week of silly revelry. It was good fun. I honestly don’t think I ever would have ventured into 1950’s propaganda films without the desperate need to find something funny about lids.

If you haven’t done so already, bookmark Unshelved, or sign up for their free, daily, ad-free e-mail deliveryof the strip. I highly recommend it.

I’m going back to the well and revisiting Crotchley Labs for a second day. I had too much fun to do it just once.

There’s something so wonderfully absurb about 1950’s short-film propaganda. They pretty much consisted of what I like to call the three “B’s”: “Build it! Buy It! And beat back the Reds!”

***

On a different note, a doff of the cap to Unshelved for Wednesday’s toon. That’s been my favorite of theirs thus far.