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Collection: Anatomy of Monsters

TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Unicorn DESCRIPTION: A purple dappled horse with flowing purple-to-blue main and tail looks out with a slightly empty-brain look. She has a purple-to-green spiral horn sticking out of her forehead. Her legs fade to a darker purple and end in purple feathering. She walks on a sparkling green grass, and is surrounded by pink sparkles. JOKES: - Imagine going through life, asking at every meal, “COULD IKEBAB THIS?” - Teeth are perfectly straight. (Because magic is the ultimate orthodontist.) - Her muscles are purely decorative…and disintegrate upon any actual labor. - 90% of her waking hours are spent prancing. - (pointing to her horn) Enclosed bounce houses are a nightmare. - Her mane has more volume than all the hair-metal bands of 1989. - That ain’t sparkly magic. That’s crippling dandruff. - Has a highly curated playlist for walking slowly through backlit mist. - Thinks horses are “total uggos” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters; Anatomy of a Dragon DESCRIPTION: A green, scaly, four-legged creature with giant bat-like wings sits on a glistening gold dirt. His head is covered in dark spines, heavy eyebrows cover his eyes. He has a heavy chin and smoke protrudes from one of his nostrils. JOKES: - Remember, Kids! - A dragon has 4 legs/2 wings. - A wyvern has 2 legs/2 wings. - a Wyrm has 0 legs/0 wings. - And a WORM is the same as a wyrm, but without the hardcore name. - Smoke constantly drifts from his nostrils like a teenager try8ing to hide a vape pen. - Every dragon is born with one armor scale missing, for the benefit of talented archers. (It’s nature’s balance.) - Practices the “Five-second Rule” for dropped sheep. - The eyebrows of a grumpy landlord (…who also happens to be a nuclear weapon.) - Is convinced that shiny armor is just “Stay-fresh” Packaging. - Believes “revenge i a dish best served at 3,000 degrees.” - Spends his weekends swiping right on pictures of unprotected royal treasuries. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Cerberus DESCRIPTION: a dark grey pitbull-like dog with 3 heads stands on a rock ground, red light glowing from below. One head’s ears fly back as he barks, the middle head looks alert with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, the third head looks friendly, tongue hanging out, slobber dripping down. The dog’s tail is scaly and slightly green. Their three collars are blue, red, and green. JOKES: - When you’ve got main character energy, but… so do the two dudes next to you. - The middle head is the only one who actually knows how to guard the gates of Hell; the other are just here for the snacks. - Need to distract Cerberus? Just hold a leash and whiser “outttttside” - Picture it: Three tongues battlign for the last remnant of peanut butter at the bottom of the jar. - Six ears means they can hear food wrappers from down the block. - The three-part harmonies are GORGEOUS. - They use the old shtick of “Good cop, Bad cop, Bonus Good cop.” - Greeks went the extra mile: Three-headed dog wasn’t enough — SO HOW ABOUT A SERPENT’S TAIL?? - Imagine how long it takes these three to decide pizza toppings. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Sasquatch DESCRIPTION: An ape-like man stands in the classic Big-Foot stance, mid-walk. His arms and legs and shoulders are covered in fur, his hands, feet, biceps and chest are flesh. Behind him is a forest of trees. JOKES: - He’s the ultimate American cryptid! - (pointing to the previous joke) …with the posture of a middle-aged dad trying to find his glasses. - He’s super strong! He can bench 150! (An F-150) - Fur has the texture of shag carpeting that’s been left in a damp basement since 1974. - Knuckles for DAYYYYYS. - His build is the perfect blend of “powerlifter” and “dude powering through a few sleeves of oreos.” - Don’t think of it as “Hairy Shoulders,” think of it as “Natural Rain Poncho” - He was made. famous by a 1967 filmstrip of what is clearly a dude-in-a-Gorilla-Suit. - (pointing to previous joke) (Someone ran the film through modern film stabilization software. It is HILARIOUS how much its a dude in a suit.) - His calf muscles look like four angry raccoons fighting over a corndog. Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of the Loveland Frogman DESCRIPTION: A frog. He’s a green tree frog, standing on his back legs like a human. His arms hang from under his large bulbous head, his eyes bulge out from the sides. He wears a grey and red “OHIO” baseball hat, and holds a janky magic wand in his hand, it glows purple. JOKES: - He’s a 3’-tall frog guy seen around Loveland, Ohio for the last 70 years! - I love that the best thing Ohio’s communal creativity could come up with was, “What if a Frog… was a dude?” - And apparently he also holds a sparkly magic wand??? WHO WAS IN THE PITCH MEETING FOR THIS CRYPTID?? - His bulging eyes can see 360-degrees! (But according to his ex: he still can’t see love standing right in front of him.) - When he invites you back to his place…but his place is a drainage pip under Interstate 75. - A mouth that looks like he rules the Gungans. - Handshakes so clammy, they require a lifeguard on duty. - No visible neck, because why waste time turning your head when you can just rotate your entire existence? - When he walks across tiled floors, it sounds like slapping a wet ham. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Lou Carcolh DESCRIPTION: A monstrous snail-like creature sits roaring in a muddle of green ooze. His shell fades from orange to yellow to green with dark spikes protruding. His head is more dragon-like, with horns sticking out the side, tentacles poking up and coming down from the side of his mouth, and spines going down his head. His snail-body is a fleshy pink, with spots and bumps. the whole thing is very gross. JOKES: - He’s a legendary snail-serpent from French folklore. - (pointing to previous line) But doesn’t LOU CARCOLH sound like a guy who sells you quality deli meats at quality deli prices? - He’s got the skin of a wet portabello mushroom left in a sauna. - When your body is basically a musular sleeping bag that never stops leaking. - In Pokémon, you encounter this guy and go “You knwo what? I don’t GOTTA catch ‘em all.” - He once entered a French cooking contest as both the chef — and the entree — by mistake. - He’s on a strict no-salt diet. - Imagine going through life just SOAKED in aloe vera gel. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Baba Yaga DESCRIPTION: An old lady with a long crooked nose, white scraggly hair held down. by a red head scarf, wide eyes, mouth open in a witchy cackle, walks along a path. She has a brown leather bag across her shoulder decorated with bones. Her dress and cloak are brown and tattered. Behind her is a cottage held up by chicken legs. JOKES: - Part forest-guardian and part local terror, she’s a Slavic witch who rewards the polite and (accidentally!) eats the rude. - (pointing to the previous joke) “Accidentally” is doing a lot of heavy lifting, there. - As far as witches go, she’s reasonable! Provided you can survive her easy-to-remember 608-step chores. - If you pretend you’ve never heard it before, doesn’t the name BABA YAGA sound like a Swedish band that won Eurovision in 2009? - (pointing to the cottage) Her house walks around on giant chicken legs. Which, Honestly? In this housing market? I’d make an offer. - She doesn’t ride a broomstick! She rides a mortar-and-pestle. - (pointing to previous joke) Which is fun for her, because everyone born after 1810 has to Google what a “Mortar-and-pestle” is. - Famously, her house is surrounded by a fence of human bones. Which is an aggressive way of saying “kick that ball into my yard, you AIN’T GETTIN’ IT BACK.” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Frankenstein DESCRIPTION: A classic Frankenstein’s monster - flat-top black hair, square jaw, bolt coming out from his neck. Arms out straight, walking awkwardly with one leg out. His skin is patch-work with lines of stitches. He wears a grey sweater under a ratty brown jacket, and black pants that have torn edges. He wears black loafers without socks, his patch-work ankles showing through. JOKES: - Remember to clarify that he’s not “Frankenstein” — he’s “Frankenstein’s monster.” People ADORE being corrected on that! - (pointing to previous joke) Everyone loves pedantic folks! Pedantic folks get smooched the most in life! - He’s the embodiment of the phrase “Hanging by a thread” - (pointing to previous joke) Honestly: One good-sized sneeze and it’s all over. - His skin tone is best described as “Forgotten Guacamole” - On the dance floor he’s two left feet. (Probably because of the two left feet.) - “404 Error: Soul not found.” - The eyes of a man who…WAIT. ARE those the eyes of a man? - His teeth are white, but only because they are vintage piano keys. - No matter how bad your day was, it wasn’t “Villagers with pitchforks” bad - He recently took a dna test…and the printout just said “YES” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Jackalope DESCRIPTION: A brown-grey jack rabbit with white legs and belly, large pink ears, brown nose and bulging eyes…but he has giant antlers protruding from his head. He sits in front of some grass on top of a sandy ground. JOKES: - The king of American tall tales, the Jackalope is an “Ornery Varmint” in Western folklore. - “Jackalope” is a portmanteau of “Jack Rabbit” and “Antelope.” - And “Portmanteau” is a portmanteau of “Two Dudes who Enjoy Port.” - When you mix a rabbit with big-game antlers, you get…a rabbit with neck pain. - The best way to find a jackalope is to drive way, way, WAY out into the country, then look for a postcard rack. - Everything about this says “Inconvenient night’s sleep” - Ears so large, they can hear the exact moment your car warranty expires. - He may not know how to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em, or when to walk away…but he does know when to run. - Spotting a jackalope is like A TRIP TO ALBUQUERQUE: it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and when you get home you’ll deny it happened. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Squonk DESCRIPTION: A squat, blobby, toad-like creature with four legs sits in a puddle. He has weird pic-like ears, wide eyes that leak tears. His pig-like nose sits above a heavy frown. His skin is a yellow-green with brown spotting, with lots of warts and shiny slime. JOKES: - The squonk is a legendary, sorrowful creature from Pennsylvania. - Mythological creatures are often born our of the shared fears of the collective unconscious. This one was born out of just…living in Pennsylvania. - When in distress, the squonk has the ability to dissolve into tears. I had an old Chevy that could do this. - It’s known for its extreme self-loathing regarding its warty, wrinkly skin. Tag yourself: I’M A SQUONK! - It spends most of its time lurking in Pennsylvania and weeping with a trail of tears. (Notes: This also describes Phillies fans) - It’s notoriously shy, and comes out only at dusk for dinner. But that’s also half the teens you know. - There’s a town in Pennsylvania that holds “Squonkapalooza” every year! The main stage is just a loop of those Sarah McLachlan animal shelter commercials. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
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