Login with Patreon
Login with Patreon

Collection: Anatomy of Monsters

TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of an Alien DESCRIPTION: A thin grey-green humanoid with a large bulbous head and large black eyes raises a thin hand in a wave. He stands in an oval of bright yellow light rising up from the ground, reflecting on him. JOKES: - Says “Take me to your leader,” but IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT. - “What a strong chin!” …is not a phrase he hears a lot. - When you’ve spent three decades traveling to Earth… only to realize you left the abduction list on the counter. - INCREDIBLY POWERFUL BRAIN! (Paired with muscles that have the strength of a wet Q-tip.) - THREE TIMES he said “Take me to your leader” before realizing he was talking to a fat bulldog named “Chalupa” - Why is his ship saucer-shaped? All the better for 1970’s architectural conversation pits. - Space is too big to explore in person! So advanced civilizations probably send out self-replicating “Neumann Probes,” which then 3-D print biological drones when they arrive. LIKE THIS GUY. - (Points to a previous joke) Look, it explains why he’s Ken-doll smooth. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of the Kuartam DESCRIPTION: A hybrid frog-jaguar creature stands in a puddle. His front legs are large, muscular, and claw’d. His giant frog-face has it’s mouth wide open. Jaguar-spots extend down its’ back and jaguar-tail. Its’ back legs are green frog legs. JOKES: - The Kuartam is a legendary toad from the Shuar people of Ecuador. He magically transporms into a man-eating jaguar if you make fun of him. - (pointing to previous joke) I have that same power when made fun of! Except instead of a jaguar, I turn into a deflated soufflé of a human being. - Every night, he sings the unique phrase “Kuartam-tan”, which is how he got his name! - (Pointing to previous joke) Although loclas aren’t sure what to call him now that he’s started singing “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.” - Bruce Banner becomes The Hulk when angry. The Kuartam becomes a jaguar when insulted. Humans LOVE to invent monsters that basically express “My feelings are super fragile and I will make it everyone else’s problem!” - You guys, the kuartam becomes a jaguar when someone makes fun of him, SO NO ONE LET HIM ON REDDIT. - Thank goodness he turns into a jaguar, and not a Jaguar. A cat is terrifying; a British car that won’t start is just sad. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of the Cuero Description: A rectangle of a brown and white cowhide floats in a field of water. He has eyeballs on stalks, and the edges are surrounded with claws. It’s mouth in the middle is open showing off teeth. JOKES: - The Cuero is a… *checks notes* FLOATING COWHIDE WITH CLAWS?? - (pointing to previous joke) what?? - (pointing to previous joke) Gang, they can’t all be winners - He’s an ancient beast from Chile (…who smells like anicent shoes from Goodwill.) - His main attack strategy is to bob in the water until someone mistakes him for a pool loatie. - He kinda looks like he was cut out with craft scissors. - The claws are giving “zipper”. - You know those ladies who have super long nails, and it forces them to type in a bonkers way? THAT’S HOW HE HAS TO WALK. - His mouth is on the bottom! So he kinda looks like a defeated octopus that lost the zest for life. - With no limbs, his most ferocious attack move looks like a piece of bologna trying to slide out of a sandwich. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of the Monster Under the Bed DESCRIPTION: A wood bed with a headboard and footboard, a maroon blanket messily thrown back, and white sheets and a pillow sit against a scrubby black background. From behind and under the bed three green octopus tentacles squirm up, and two wide white eyes stare from under the bed. JOKES: - His older brother haunts a GORGEOUS four-poster Victorian bed, while he gets this Ikea Skürgen-Gürgen. - (pointing to previous joke) (When you get it from Ikea, the monster comes flat-packed.) - This tentacle can crush a car, yet is powerless against 300-thread count sheets. - He primarily feeds on fear. But if a few stale funyuns drop, that’s okay too. - These eyes know only one fear: THE VACUUM EXTENSION HOSE. - Most monsters actually work three to four beds a night. Those ankles ain’t gonna brush themselves. - With just a pinch of salt and batter, this fries up into a scrumptious calamari! - Eyes with the unblinking focus of a 60-year old man watching a parallel parking attempt. - Spends 80% of his time hoping little jimmy doesn’t load up on juice before bedtime. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Domovoy DESCRIPTION: A short man, with his back to the viewer, looks over his shoulder. He wears a green stocking cap, a grungy tan shirt, but no pants - his butt pale and visible. He has a long white beard and liver spots on his skin. His eyes glow red, and he stads on some wood floor boards. JOKES: - In Slavic Folklore, a Domovoy is a protective guardian spirit of the home. - But in “Class-Good-Time-Slavic-Fun,” he’s a frantic old dude with flashing eyes who lives under your floorboards and throws boots at you if you cuss. - When you move into a new home, you’re supposed to sacrifice a chicken, leave out a slice of bread, and say “Our Supporter: come into the house to eat bread and obey your new master.” - Because nothing establishes a healthy room mate dynamic like blood sacrifice! - If you’re poor, you sometimes get a naked Domovoy. AIN’T THAT A SLAP ON THE CHEEK. - He lives under your floorboards! (Which gets awkward when you live on the fourth floor of a high-rise and he’s technically floating above the downstairs neighbor’s bed.) - When your head hair segues seamlessly into your back hair. - If you move house, a ritual lets you bring him along! (It’s just like moving your internet provider: Same number of dead chickens!) - “Hey, did you remember to pack the keys?” “YES.” “And did you remember to invite the centuries-old demi-god to crawl to our new home?” “AW, DANG IT,” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Elves DESCRIPTION: Three different types of elves stand on a patch of grass. The Keebler elf, with red hat, green suit jacket, yellow pants, red vest, yellow tie and brown shoes holds up a cookie. A grizzled looking little man with a long white beard pears out of one eye, hands on his hides, squatting. He wears a green hat, green shirt, brown pants and brown boots. Next to him is a tall, Tolkien-style elf. He has long blonde hair, a light green outfit with superfluous fabric draping over his arms and down his legs. A sword hangs from behind his waist. A papyrus-looking scroll reads above them: Elves come in a weird spectrum. They can be an immortal supermodel, a woodlands horror, or a little dork who makes little dork cookies. JOKES: - (pointing to Keebler elf) Absolutely refuses to participate in team-building exercises unless it involves an IMMENSE amount of fudge. - (pointing to Keebler elf) Also: Something about his face looks like he’s about to start singing “I’M JUST A BILL, YES I’M ONLY A BILL” - (pointing to woodland elf) Whereas a Germanic elf is just leftover troll parts held together with wood glue and spite. - (pointing to Tolkien elf) Refuses to greet you until you hear his short poem about the moon (Runtime: NINE HOURS) - Has the vibe of a Broadway director being FORCED to go see a batman movie. - Disputes all your history trivia with “Nay, ’twas NEVER so. For I walked these paths before the dawn of men.” - (pointing to previous joke) Ok fine! JEEZ! BRING IT DOWN A NOTCH THERE, GLORFINDEL. - Sure, it’s nice to have “the light of the two trees” inside you, but it makes for weird farts. ——— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Kitsune DESCRIPTION: An orange fox with 9 tails stands on a rock. She has a glowing purple symbol on her head, and three glowing orbs by her tail - green, pink, and purple. JOKES: - A supernatural fox spirit in Japanese folklore, the Kitsune gains more tails as it grows older and more legendary! - (pointing to previous joke) Just like grandparents and nose hair. - They can change their shape into anything! Like a politician in an election year! - Every single Kitsune romantic breakup involves at least four shapeshiftings. Three illusions, two curses, and a dramatic escape from the emperor’s swords. - When everyone in the friend group knows you’re the “extra” one. - Kitsune produce “Foxfire”! Balls of light that emanate from their breath and tail. (So they’re half Illuminati, half illuminate-y) - These things are murder for anything nice you put on your coffee table. - Has lived for nine centuries but still uses “Password123” for their banking. - “OHHHHH, I see how Pokemon got invented.” - Everyone —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monster: Anatomy of a Phoenix DESCRIPTION: A bird made of fire stretches his flame-wings out as he rises (or falls) into a pile of ash. Her eyes are wide and her beak open, a crown of flames above her head. JOKES: - Takes “New year, new you” way too literally. - Wrote a self-help book called “HAVE YOU TRIED BURSTING INTO FLAMES?” - It’s not good for your mental health when every problem CAN be fixed by starting a fire and walking away. - If rage quitting had plummage. - Just like the CITY OF PHOENIX, they both get so hot that you just want to dissolve into ash and die. - Gang, Phoenix menopause is no joke. - Legally “Dies” any time they turn to ash, so credit card bills mean NOTHING to them. - The only creature whose retirement plan is becoming a toddler. - Every breakup is extraordinarily dramatic. It’s like ten days of Fire, Ash, Rebirth…Fire, Ash, Rebirth. - Comes in “Original” and “Extra, Extra, EXTRA crispy.” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Mermaid DESCRIPTION: A curvy mermaid with bright purple hair and a teal-to-green fish tail floats in some water. She has orange starfish for a bra, and smiles wide and she reaches up to the water’s surface. JOKES: - Her hair defies the laws of physics, even when fully dry. - She spends at least four hours a day sitting on a rock, hoping a Hollywood producer will paddle by. - Dating is tricky. When she gets catfished, she REALLY gets catfished. - Watches “Deadliest Catch” on TV and just laughs and laughs. - Has recurring nightmares involving a giant tartar sauce dispenser. - Two words: TIDE BREATH - Not all mermaids are musical! (She tried to sell her voice to the sea witch, but ended up with a bucket of KFC.) - The starfish’s linkedin posts are UNBEARABLE. - Has never once successfully sat in a Lay-Z-Boy. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of the Fresno Nightcrawler DESCRIPTION: A pair of white pants with a weird little flat head and black eyes, strolls through a dark grassy landscape. JOKES: - The Fresno Nightcrawler is a California cryptid that resembles…a ghostly pair of slacks?? - (pointing to previous joke) Apparently nothing says “Terror” in Fresno like sentient capri pants. - Best way to trap one? REVOLVING DOORS. - He’s what happens when evolution day-drinks. - You might not think of Fresno when you think of Eldritch horrors, but that’s only because you haven’t been to Fresno. - Has lost every thumb war. - Has all the physical menace of string cheese left in the sun. - The last thing his victims see is a menacing figure SASHAYING towards them furiously. - (pointing to previous joke) ..and saying “IT HAS POCKETS!” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
Copyright 1998-2026 Dave Kellett. "SHELDON" is a trademark of Small Fish Studios, Inc.
Join us on Patreon | Read Sheldon by e-mail
DriveComic.com | ComicLab Podcast | The Wrong Way | Stripped Film
E-mail Dave | Bluesky
Sheldon RSS
Developed by Leetoo