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Collection: Anatomy of Monsters

TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Lou Carcolh DESCRIPTION: A monstrous snail-like creature sits roaring in a muddle of green ooze. His shell fades from orange to yellow to green with dark spikes protruding. His head is more dragon-like, with horns sticking out the side, tentacles poking up and coming down from the side of his mouth, and spines going down his head. His snail-body is a fleshy pink, with spots and bumps. the whole thing is very gross. JOKES: - He’s a legendary snail-serpent from French folklore. - (pointing to previous line) But doesn’t LOU CARCOLH sound like a guy who sells you quality deli meats at quality deli prices? - He’s got the skin of a wet portabello mushroom left in a sauna. - When your body is basically a musular sleeping bag that never stops leaking. - In Pokémon, you encounter this guy and go “You knwo what? I don’t GOTTA catch ‘em all.” - He once entered a French cooking contest as both the chef — and the entree — by mistake. - He’s on a strict no-salt diet. - Imagine going through life just SOAKED in aloe vera gel. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Baba Yaga DESCRIPTION: An old lady with a long crooked nose, white scraggly hair held down. by a red head scarf, wide eyes, mouth open in a witchy cackle, walks along a path. She has a brown leather bag across her shoulder decorated with bones. Her dress and cloak are brown and tattered. Behind her is a cottage held up by chicken legs. JOKES: - Part forest-guardian and part local terror, she’s a Slavic witch who rewards the polite and (accidentally!) eats the rude. - (pointing to the previous joke) “Accidentally” is doing a lot of heavy lifting, there. - As far as witches go, she’s reasonable! Provided you can survive her easy-to-remember 608-step chores. - If you pretend you’ve never heard it before, doesn’t the name BABA YAGA sound like a Swedish band that won Eurovision in 2009? - (pointing to the cottage) Her house walks around on giant chicken legs. Which, Honestly? In this housing market? I’d make an offer. - She doesn’t ride a broomstick! She rides a mortar-and-pestle. - (pointing to previous joke) Which is fun for her, because everyone born after 1810 has to Google what a “Mortar-and-pestle” is. - Famously, her house is surrounded by a fence of human bones. Which is an aggressive way of saying “kick that ball into my yard, you AIN’T GETTIN’ IT BACK.” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Frankenstein DESCRIPTION: A classic Frankenstein’s monster - flat-top black hair, square jaw, bolt coming out from his neck. Arms out straight, walking awkwardly with one leg out. His skin is patch-work with lines of stitches. He wears a grey sweater under a ratty brown jacket, and black pants that have torn edges. He wears black loafers without socks, his patch-work ankles showing through. JOKES: - Remember to clarify that he’s not “Frankenstein” — he’s “Frankenstein’s monster.” People ADORE being corrected on that! - (pointing to previous joke) Everyone loves pedantic folks! Pedantic folks get smooched the most in life! - He’s the embodiment of the phrase “Hanging by a thread” - (pointing to previous joke) Honestly: One good-sized sneeze and it’s all over. - His skin tone is best described as “Forgotten Guacamole” - On the dance floor he’s two left feet. (Probably because of the two left feet.) - “404 Error: Soul not found.” - The eyes of a man who…WAIT. ARE those the eyes of a man? - His teeth are white, but only because they are vintage piano keys. - No matter how bad your day was, it wasn’t “Villagers with pitchforks” bad - He recently took a dna test…and the printout just said “YES” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Jackalope DESCRIPTION: A brown-grey jack rabbit with white legs and belly, large pink ears, brown nose and bulging eyes…but he has giant antlers protruding from his head. He sits in front of some grass on top of a sandy ground. JOKES: - The king of American tall tales, the Jackalope is an “Ornery Varmint” in Western folklore. - “Jackalope” is a portmanteau of “Jack Rabbit” and “Antelope.” - And “Portmanteau” is a portmanteau of “Two Dudes who Enjoy Port.” - When you mix a rabbit with big-game antlers, you get…a rabbit with neck pain. - The best way to find a jackalope is to drive way, way, WAY out into the country, then look for a postcard rack. - Everything about this says “Inconvenient night’s sleep” - Ears so large, they can hear the exact moment your car warranty expires. - He may not know how to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em, or when to walk away…but he does know when to run. - Spotting a jackalope is like A TRIP TO ALBUQUERQUE: it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and when you get home you’ll deny it happened. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Squonk DESCRIPTION: A squat, blobby, toad-like creature with four legs sits in a puddle. He has weird pic-like ears, wide eyes that leak tears. His pig-like nose sits above a heavy frown. His skin is a yellow-green with brown spotting, with lots of warts and shiny slime. JOKES: - The squonk is a legendary, sorrowful creature from Pennsylvania. - Mythological creatures are often born our of the shared fears of the collective unconscious. This one was born out of just…living in Pennsylvania. - When in distress, the squonk has the ability to dissolve into tears. I had an old Chevy that could do this. - It’s known for its extreme self-loathing regarding its warty, wrinkly skin. Tag yourself: I’M A SQUONK! - It spends most of its time lurking in Pennsylvania and weeping with a trail of tears. (Notes: This also describes Phillies fans) - It’s notoriously shy, and comes out only at dusk for dinner. But that’s also half the teens you know. - There’s a town in Pennsylvania that holds “Squonkapalooza” every year! The main stage is just a loop of those Sarah McLachlan animal shelter commercials. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Werewolf DESCRIPTION: A silver colored wolf-man stands on his back wolf legs, human-oid arms with talons stretched out in agony. His bare human-oid chest has white hair stretching down from his neck. His wolf head roars, mouth open and eyes wide. Dark grey coloring stretches from his nose, down his back and on to his tail, that’s finished in white. His legs and hands are white fur. He stands on a rocky ground. JOKES: - You become a werewolf when ANOTHER werewolf bites you. Then YOU bite and make ANOTHER werewolf… …it’s like multi-level marketing, but less skeevy. - His overall aesthetic is “Muppet that has SEEN some things.” - He moves like an unbalanced washing machine. - And smells like bowling alley carpeting. - (points at neck) “Collar I.D.” - (points to head) The perfect snout to get that last Pringle. - (points to head) His teeth are arranged with all the precision of a medieval village built wihtout permits. - He only shows up once a month. …but that’s still better than Congress. ZING! - That God he got the Levis with the lycra. - (points at tail) He still “Marks his Territory”, but ever since he turned fifty, it just takes longer and longer. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Centaur DESCRIPTION: A clydesdale-like half horse, half man stands on a patch of grass. His furry hooves are white, his horse hide is brown. His black tail is elaborately braided with gold rings. His human skin is darker to match his horse-hide. His curly hair is black and his eye brows are heavy. JOKES: - He’s his own emotional support animal. - Will quote Plato while simultaneously crying to bite a sugar cube out of your hand. - A centaur perfectly represents the DUALITY OF MAN: Capable of art and poetry and science! …but also smells generally like a barn. - Everyone in math hates when he starts stamping out answers. - (Arrows pointing to head and body): 10% Athenian philosophy, 90% Spartan a**-whoopin’ - Constantly standing in the THE ROCK’s go-to mirror pose. - (Points at the body) Just image the horror-show that is his x-ray. Two ribcages! A spine like an M.C. Escher drawing! And a digestive tract that reads like Ulysses! - (Pointing at butt) “Looking for a partner who likes long walks on the beach…and who also owns a shovel.” - “Look out, Shpider-man! It’s the Galloping Gladiator! The Hooved Harbinger of Havoc! The Half-Man, Half-Hay-Eater! It’s Mischief’s Mane event… THE SHENTAUR!” - Stan Lee, pitching a new villain —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of The Mummy DESCRIPTION: A classic bandage-wrapped mummy walks with arms out and one leg straight out. A few of his bandages are falling off in loops. He hears a headdress with a turquoise head band and gold bangles. His eyes are wide and he smiles sweetly. JOKES: - Don’t go cheap! If you know you’re gonna be wrapped up for 4,000 years, pay a few cents extra for the two-ply. - (Points at arms) Arms are stuck out like he just touched a wet bathroom door handle. - His embalmers pulled his brain through his nostril. …That’s like trying to get a pull-out couch through a cat-flap. - (Points at extended foot) Walks like he way overdid leg day - When he says he’d “Give his left eye” for some of your fried - DON’T TAKE HIM UP ON THAT. - You think your lungs are out-of-shape? His lungs are OUT-OF-COUNTRY. (Stolen in 1802: Currently on display at the British Museum) - (Points to back with a few loops of bandage coming off) LIFE HACK! This is the perfect place to store your keys …or a mint! - (Points to torso) Look on the bright side: can’t get appendicitis if you ain’t got organs - He buried his servants with him. “Life-time Employment” was a THREAT in ancient Egypt. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Vampire DESCRIPTION: A classic vampire - grey crinkly skin, pointy nose, sharp fangs, black hair with a sharp widow’s peak. He is w wearing black pants, white shirt and a dramatic black cloak with scarlet red lining. The collar is tall. His posture is hunched with arms out menacingly. JOKES: - When your looks ays “Ancient Aristocrat,” but also kinda says “Magician at a five fear-old’s birthday.” - This is what you look like when you haven’t slept since the French Revolution. - It’s a complexion best described as “Uncooked Pie Crust” - Glides into every room (He’s wearing Heely’s) - (Pointing to collar) Collar popped so high, it could double as a sneeze guard at Sizzler. - He’s the final boss of introverts: If you don’t explicitly invite him, he ain’t comin’ - He put ten cents into a bank in 1785. He’s now worth $58 Billion. …if you’re a vampire and you haven’t figured out compound interest, JUST WALK INTO THE SUN. - The Apple watch heart monitor was a waste of money. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of The Jersey Devil DESCRIPTION: A creature that looks like a very skinny horse, tan with black ears and patches around its eyes, a white star on its face and a pink nose. It has bat wings and a dragon-like tail, and it rears up on its’ back legs. It is very gaunt, and its’ wings are pink on the inside, grey-brown on the outside. JOKES: - Came into existence in 1735 when a mother of twelve called out to the devil during childbirth. - LISTEN: When you have twelve kids… sometimes you occasionally call out to the devil. - In the 1700’s you know what you get without streaming TV or video games? You get twelve kids, that’s what you get. - (Pointing to the tail) They say “The Devil’s work is never done.” … EXCEPT FOR HERE. Clearly here the devil was like “Yeah this biology is good enough. I got stuff to do, man. It’s the weekend.” - (Pointing at its face) “Resting Mythical Beast Face” - Head of a horse, body of a dragon, temperament of an angsty teen. - (Pointing to its chest) A skeletal frame that says “All I eat is locally grown food from New Jersey.” - (Near its legs) GLP-1 - [check box] Vague Smell. [check box] Oddly Menacing. [check box] Comes to work looking like he slept in the woods. …YEP, THAT’S NEW JERSEY! —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
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