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Collection: Anatomy of Monsters

TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Zombie DESCRIPTION: A decrepit looking humanoid wearing dirty and scraggly clothes stands with his feet pointing inward (only wearing one shoe), arms a weird angles. His face has no nose and his eyes are large and glowing yellow. A spot of skull can be seen through his scalp. His skin is purple-green. JOKES: - HE’S LIVING THE DREAM! And that dream is not living. - But he’s super into “user-generated content.” Specifically, MARROW. - He loves following influencers! And non-influencers! (…anyone with a head start, really) - Has VERY different definitions for “personal pan pizza”, “Brainstorming” or “finger foods.” - He has a “romanesque” nose, in that it’s mostly ruins. - He’s “Food motivated”! (In the same way a wood chipper is “log motivated”) - But he’s just like you! He also hates it when his food is “too runny” - Dating profile says “DOWN TO HEARTH! (recently came out of it.”) —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of the Ohio Grassman DESCRIPTION: A red-haired man stands in a plot of grass looking uncertain. He is covered with orange-red hair - hairy legs, hairy arms, hairy chest, hair on his torso covering everything that needs to be covered. The skin we can see is light and freckled. JOKES: - A legendarily hairy Ohio cryptid known for weaving grass nests. - “Legendarily hairy” is just a polite way of saying “offensive line for Ohio State” - This is what happens when a Bigfoot gives up and MOVES TO AKRON. - As a ginger cryptid, he’s got that specific “Ed Sheeran if he lived in a field” energy. - If you could magically bring cheap light beer to life, you’d have the Ohio Grassman. - But his overall vibe is less “Monster” and more “Dad who needs a nap” - I mean, come on: Just look at him! This is the type of dude who thinks “Gravy” is a beverage. - But he’s also midwest-nice, which means that he says “Ope, just gonna scootch past ya there” while trampling you. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Wyvern DESCRIPTION: A red two-legged, two-winged dragon stands on a rocky ground. He has three horns on his head, a heavy scowling brow, and a soft-looking belly. JOKES: - A wyvern is what you get when your mom says “We don’t need dragon. We have dragon at home.” - The brow of a kid taking a math test they’re not prepared for. - On his dating profile, he tells people he’s “Dragon-Adjacent” to increase matches. - Thinks he’s an intellectual because he once swallowed a scholar. - When a dragon is assembled without instructions. - With these front leg things, he has the coordination of a puppy on tile floors. - He’s what you get when you attach a flame-thrower to the chaotic energy of a spooked chicken. - ALWAYS REMEMBER the saying about wyverns: “Wmouldering stare? Stay right there. Smouldering breath? Run like heckth.” —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Kelpie DESCRIPTION: A dapple-grey horse rises out of a splash of water, his front legs black, his wet main dark and scraggly. The back half of him is a fishtail, with a fin along its back. JOKES: - Kelpies are horse-shaped water spirits famous in Scotland for luring riders to horrible, watery deaths. - (points to previous joke) “SCOTLAND: WE KEEP IT FUN!” - It’s like Scotland invented Uber, but got all the key parts wrong. - Kelpies lure riders onto their backs, then trap them with adhesive skin, “Gluing” them in place. - (points to previous joke) 3M “post-it note” scientists are furiously taking notes. - A Kelpie gets invented when a horse girl is also a goth girl. - Entirely too committed tot the “wet look” hair trend - Has the energy of a guy who wears no shirt to the grocery store. - (points to previous joke) Like, we get it, dude: the grocery store is two blocks from the beach. PUT A SHIRT ON. - Has the unyielding drive of a Crossfit instructor who just got divorced. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Cockatrice DESCRIPTION: A creature that is half-dragon, half-chicken stands on a rocky ground. His head is a rooster with red crest and dangly-bits, with his beak wide open, white feathers on it’s neck. His small chicken-arms stretch out into dragon wings. His belly is armored like a dragon, with a dragon tail, but his legs are chicken legs. JOKES: - Nothing strikes fear into hearts like a FULL-ON DRAGON with the head of a chicken. - A mythical 12th-century beast, the cockatrice was created whenever “A toad hatched a chicken egg.” AND THAT’S JUST SCIENCE, GANG! - (points to previous joke) Medieval scientists really thought eldritch horrors would result if a toad didn’t stick to its lane. - Not the dude to invite over if you like your hardwood floors. - The only creature that can make “bok bok bok” sound threatening. - Spends the majority of his day wondering if he’s a bird with a lizard problem or a lizard with a bird problem. - Much like the buttons at a cross-walk, his wings don’t actually DO anything. - It’s funny when you realize that 100% of monster folklore is the result of bored farmers staring at livestock all day. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of a Monster: Anatomy of a Giant DESCRIPTION: A balding man with straggly, mousy brown hair stands on a lawn with a cute cottage. His foot is on the roof as he is 100 feet tall. He doesn’t wear a shirt and his large belly hangs over his burlap skirt. He scratches his back with a large tree in his hand that he just pulled out of the ground. A tiny person runs screaming out of the cottage. JOKES: - Guys, he’s kind of a big deal. - You know you’re tall when you can see the curvature of the earth. - When your pants require a zoning permit. - …and your undies are an upside-down circus tent. - (Above the tree scratching his back) scratch scratch scratch - What genius thought “Fee-fi-fo-FUM” rhymed with “English MAN”? - (pointing to previous joke) It’s a “Slant Rhyme”! (Kids, a “slant rhyme” is when a poet “gives up” and “phones it in.”) - Looks like (points to) A THUMB - Smart as (also point to) A THUMB - He LOVES the outdoors! (But kinda …has no choice?) —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Hippogriff DESCRIPTION: A golden eagle with a grey beak and yellow eagle legs stands on a green patch. The back half of him is a golden horse with a white tail. JOKES: - Half eagle, half horse, and a heart made of pure, concentrated vanity. - To give you a sense of his childhood: he used to sigh loudly any time his teacher made a mistake. - Gives off the unearned confidence of a man wearing a cape in a public park. - The kin dof guy who speaks five languages, and is condescending in all of them. - With feathers up front and fur at the back…. he’s kinda the “Nascar Mullet” of the forbidden forest. - When your name sounds like you’re scamming Hippopotamuses. - Hippogriffs first appeared in a 1516 poem called “ORLANDO FURIOSO” - (Big box surrounding words with an arrow pointing up to previous joke) PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT! - (Under public announcement) I am 100% adopting the name “Orlando Furioso” as my screen name. - Will not speak to you unless you bow, which is how I feel about being handed my coffee. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of Medusa DESCRIPTION: A woman with a snakes for hair, a slit-nose, snake fangs for teeth, and a forked tongue, stands with her hands on her hips. She wears a Roman-looking leather dress with gold arm bands. The bottom half of her is a green snake with a gold rattle at the end. JOKES: - Honestly, she’s no fun on Facetime. - She subscribes to the magazine “Better Homes and Gorgons” - Don’t like her scalp? Trust me you do NOT want to see her nose hair. - (pointing to previous joke) (It’s not snakes. But, you still don’t wanna see it.) - “THERE’S A SNAKE IN MY BOOT!” -Woody, -Also, her cobbler - Instead of “Lather, Rince Repeat,” her shampoo says “Slither, Wince, Retreat.” - If you think bed-head is bad, try SHED-head. - She once tried the ‘sexy lip bite’ thing, but ended up in the I.C.U. for a week. - You can tell whens he has a good poker hand, because she starts rattling. - She…WAS a cat lady. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Gnome DESCRIPTION: A classic garden gnome looking short man with a large white beard. He wears a red cone-shaped hat, a blue long-sleeved shirt, a large brown belt, green pants and brown boots. His lips pucker in an “ooh” look, and a brown pipe pops out of his mouth. He stands on a patch of dirt with grass sprouting out of it. His nose is rosy and his eyes are wide. JOKES: - In Germany, they’re a mythological people who guard treasures and help work in the mines. - (points to previous joke) HA! Imagine this guy helping in the mines. He won’t even help carry in the Costco. - Whenever he runs, the beard creates so much wind resistance that he accidentally runs in reverse. - Belt is a repurposed Great Dane’s collar. - He’s got SOMMELIER-LEVEL EXPERTISE with garden-hose water. - (above his hat) Repainted traffic cone. - “Gnome sweet Gnome!” He says every dang time he walks in…followed by THE DEEPEST SIGH from his wife. - He thinks the pipe makes him look like a guy who owns many leather-bound books. - (pointing to previous joke) When in fact he owns one book: “Garfield Gains Weight.” - These boots were made for walking! (nowhere) - Considers a “balanced diet” to be an ale in each hand. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
TITLE: Anatomy of Monsters: Anatomy of a Troll DESCRIPTION: A horned humanoid with heavy eyebrows and a large nose stands with his huge arms almost grazing the ground. This legs are thin and he wears an oversized shirt. In his left hand he holds a large stick. JOKES: - He’s a menacing NORDIC HORROR, striking fear in all hearts! …Just like IKEA instructions. - He’s a people person! (See? Right there: there’s people in his gut.) - …No one stops to talk since his bridge got replaced with a car overpass. - Like you, he kicks back at the end of the day and watched streaming. (Lives by a brook.) - “Sunlight turns trolls to stone”?? That’s just hype from BIG SUNSCREEN. - His cave has a “Life, Laugh, Lurk” sign. - Hands so rough, he can start a fire by APPLAUDING. - “YOU’VE GOTTA SUCK THE MARROW OUT OF LIFE!” He says, without a trace of irony. —— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
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