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PANEL 1: Black text on a tan background.
TEXT: DOGS MAKE TERRIBLE “PEOPLE” …They just can’t pull it off

PANEL 2: A judge in a black robe leans on his shoulder, furrowing his brow at a dog in the witness box. The dog is a thin white dog with grey-brown spots. His tail wags wildly behind him.
NARRATION: IN COURT
DOG: No, your honor. I never saw the stolen millions.

PANEL 3: A man in a toga and an olive branch head piece stands facing away from the viewer, holding a knife. A man with bushy grey eyebrows also wearing a toga holds a knife as a black chunky dog wearing an olive branch head piece holds his arms dramatically out, but his tail wags wildly behind him. A third man’s hand holding a knife cuts in from the side.
NARRATION: IN THEATRE
DOG: Et Tu, Brute?

PANEL 4: A blonde woman with a purple headband sits at a table with a while table cloth and vase of daisies. Sitting across from her is a brown Labrador, whose tail is wagging wildly behind him.
NARRATION: IN DATING
DOG: The waitress was flirting with me? No, I didn’t even notice.

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PANEL 1: DIGBY, a brown dachshund, looks up in a tree, where OSO, a fawn pug, stands in front of, oblivious.
DIGBY: Hey. There is a squirrel DIRECTLY above you.

PANEL 2: DIGBY looks at OSO as he tries to look up.
OSO: ABOVE me? Like…UP-up?

PANEL 3: OSO struggles to bend his head up.
OSO: I AM LOOKING…AS UP…AS I CAN LOOK
Background SFX: HRNNNNNNGH

PANEL 4: DIGBY looks unimpressed at OSO, who has fallen on his back, all 4 legs sticking up.
OSO: Ah yes. Squirrel.

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PANEL 1: A thin bald man with heavy dark eyebrows and a large mustache, holds a glass half filled with water. He wears a dark suit with a dark tie.
NARRATION: Pessimist
MAN: The glass is half-empty.

PANEL 2: A woman with curly hair, wearing a yellow sweater, smiles big. She holds a half filled glass of water.
NARRATION: Optimist
WOMAN The glass is half-full.

PANEL 3: DIGBY, a brown dachshund, stands next to a silver trashcan and a water bowl with his name on it. Below him are puddles of water. DIGBY lifts his back leg as he smiles to the viewer.
NARRATION: Dog Optimist
DIGBY: Your floor is half-dry!

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PANEL 1: OSO, a fawn pug, stands inside with mouth wide open, as a person hands him a bone.
NARRATION: Take bone

PANEL 2: OSO, outside in a backyard surrounded by a fence with bushes peaking out the top, is head-first in a hole, dirt spraying out behind him as he digs. A pile of dirt gathers behind him.
NARRATION: Bury bone

PANEL 3: OSO stands next to a pile of dirt in the background with a brain-less smile on his face.
NARRATION: Forget bone exists.

PANEL 4: OSO, with a durpy wide-eyed smile, faces the camera. Sparkles and a glow surround him, as behind him is a yard full of dirt piles.
NARRATION: Dog Brain: FACTORY RESET DAILY!

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PANEL 1: DIGBY, a brown dachshund, stands on a plot of grass with a small tree and some bushes behind him. He holds up his left front paw, smiling down at it.
TEXT (floating in the sky): DIS MY PAW AND DIS MY TAIL

PANEL 2: DIGBY continues to stand on the grass, a snail under his right foot, he looks up at his slightly fluffy ears.
TEXT (floating in the sky): DEES MY EARS AND DIS A SNAIL

PANEL 3: DIGBY, flies through the air, with a transparent swoosh and yellow burst, his eyes wide in excitement and mouth open.
TEXT (floating in the sky): DIS WHOLE WERLD DA BESTEST PLACE

PANEL 4: DIGBY has tackled DANTE, a ten year old boy wearing a baseball cap low over his eyes. A book flies through the air, a casualty of the tackle. DIGBY’s tongue is out in a lick to DANTE’s face.
TEXT (floating in the sky): cause YOU there MY FAVORITE FACE

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PANEL 1: A black and white cow looks happily at the viewer.
Text: Remember kids: The cow says… “MOO!”

PANEL 2: A brown horse with a black main looks happily at the viewer.
Text: The horse says… “NEIGH!”

PANEL 3: A white sheep with black nose and ears looks happily at the viewer.
Text: The sheep says… “BAAA!”

PANEL 4: A fawn pug, OSO stands on a blue rug, his eyes wide and pointing different directions.
Text: The pugs says… “SNORFLOGHKK”

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PANEL 1: OSO, a fawn pug, stands at a window with his paws on the glass, facing away from the viewer.
NARRATION: I look out window. Stare and stare. To look for you. But you not there.

PANEL 2: From outside the house, looking in the window, we see OSO looking outside, with on ear up.
NARRATION: Did that car stop? My ears go fast. No, that not you. …That hope go past.

PANEL 3: From behind OSO’s head, we see a man walking down a sidewalk. Green grass and bushes in front of a fence, with a bird on it.
NARRATION: I see a peoples! They not you. And then a bird. (It not you, too.)

PANEL 4: The front door has opened and GRAMP, seen from chest down, walks in with a grocery bag in one hand, with other hand giving a thumbs up. OSO prances next to him, gleefully looking up at GRAMP. A heart and excited lines emanate from his head.
NARRATION: But then you home! Oh joyous joy! I WAS SO BRAVE. The goodest boi.

———
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PANEL 1: A white and brown spotted pointer dog stands staring at a tree, one leg up, tail straight up in the air in attention. On the tree in the foreground is a squirrel, looking back nervously. NARRATION: Dogs have an ancient, instinctive hunting posture known as THE PAW LIFT. PANEL 2: A red hunting dog stands among some bushes while ducks swim, stand and fly around a pond. The hunting dog’s front leg is lifted, eyes squinting. NARRATION: It means: I see prey. I am ready. I will STRIKE. PANEL 3: A small brown dachshund, DIGBY, stands on a front lawn with a fence and bush behind him. He lifts his front leg, tongue sticking out in concentration. On the sidewalk in front of him lays a brown, dried leaf. NARRATION: Unfortunately, your dingus uses it on a dry leaf that moved slightly wrong. ——— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller
PANEL 1: ARTHUR, a yellow duck, stands next to OSO, a fawn pug. They both look directly at the viewer.
ARTHUR: You can tell how excited a dog is for a treat by WHICH PARTS of their mouth make first contact.

PANEL 2: ARTHUR looks at OSO as a hand comes in from the right, with a piece of grey kibble. OSO’s lips are pursed, eyes squinting, clearly not sure he wants the treat.
NARRATION: Emotionally beige, basic kibble.
ARTHUR: They lips go first, reluctantly.

PANEL 3: ARTHUR continues, while the hand from the right, with open palm, hands OSO a better treat. His mouth is wide open, eyes excited.
NARRATION: A respectable mid-tier chew.
ARTHUR: The teeth go first, but gently.

PANEL 4: ARTHUR cringes, as the hand from the right has disappeared into OSO’s mouth, his eyes dilated in joy, stars springing from his head.
NARRATION: Freshly cooked chicken.
ARTHUR: Oh no. They’ve invloed THE MOLARS.

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PANEL 1: GRAMP, an older bald man with a grey mustache, sits at a table with a laptop computer in front of him. NARRATION: Friends! Ever sit at your desk with tons of work to do, but you can’t be bothered to put in the effort? Try… THE BOOF! GRAMP: The WHAT? PANEL 2: OSO the fawn pug lays on the ground in front of a sliding glass door. On the other side of the door stands a squirrel, pausing in fear of being caught. OSO looks up, eyelids low, looking tired. He turns his head towards the squirrel but shows little effort. NARRATION: The Boof! It’s when a dog knows they should bark at something, but they have ZERO ENERGY for it. So it comes out like… OSO: boof. PANEL 3: GRAMP sits at the desk with his lap top, with fist to his mouth, eyes wide. NARRATION: NOW YOU’VE GOT IT! Time to tackle all those emails you have to respond to! GRAMP: boof. ——— Want 5,000 more comics like this? Join us at Patreon.com/sheldoncomics for the *FULL* Sheldon archives, art giveaways, fun community, and more! Sheldon Comics copyright Dave Kellett. Colors by Beth Reidmiller